Dealing With Depression

As humans we are always searching for something. Though one thing I have dealt with lately is to not become CoDependent. I’m charging my iPhone and sometimes I get irritated that the battery is low. I’m also enjoying my vaporizer and have had about two cups of coffee.

My Blanket from Target $10 and My Halloween Pumpkin 🎃 Pillow From Mission Arlington.

I bought some craft supplies to paint and make pumpkins 🎃 yesterday as Fall is finally here. I’ve been to “The Spirit of Halloween” twice and am thinking about what I want to be for Halloween! I don’t want to spend more than $25 on a costume but I was thinking about being Hello Kitty. Though I haven’t seen one costume that is Hello Kitty; so maybe just a cat. Though I’ll have to wait till it comes closer to time because I’m not getting paid till next Friday.

Things that have been going good though except for battling with my depression. Things causing me depression include:

1. My family; my son has been in a bad mood and I feel we don’t spend enough time together as a family.

2. Dealing with the past; I’m slowly learning to get past it, to stop 🛑 running away, and trusting people that take care of me.

3. My hand 🤚 and how it hurts to write. As it’s my dominant hand ✋ and I don’t know how too write with my left. I haven’t been able to focus on my free courses.

4. I’m owing money to bill collectors for AT&T UVerse which I don’t have and for UTA outstanding loans amounting In $3,500 and FAFSA Loans amounting in $20,000. I don’t think 💭 I’ll be able to go back to school and finish my Senior year.

5. My relationship life; with people and stuff. Especially spiritually, I feel people are overstepping their boundaries.

It’s important that you give all your worrying and needs over to God. I’m learning to be an individual and more of myself as a princess 👑 of God everyday. It’s also a hard political times; as we watch our country struggle. There’s rumors about a fourth stimulus package 📦 but that’s all in the air.

Just Be Patient with yourself and those you love 💕. Be kind in the process but

Fall’s Here & Starting To Learn Emotional Stability

As the weather start’s to change, I started my job working at Heritage Daycare Center. We started about 1PM; sorting invoices, receipts, and mail that my manager had. I woke up at 4AM; my roommate made coffee, and we’ve been watching tv. I’m studying, and drinking coffee and we’ve had a few cigarettes. I’m currently taking a course on Coursera.org about Managing Emotions in Times of Uncertainty and Stress. We’re also watching Joyce Myer’s talking about relationships.

Emotional Stability to me means; being held accountable, working through trials and differences, and changing into a better person. I see my Psychiatrist today through a meeting with my case manager this week and a video conference. My roommate noticed I have been feeling insecure and depressed recently and I haven’t been my cheerful self. I talked to My Dad yesterday and lately we’ve been talking about health.

As humans we experience an array of different emotions. For example starting my job helped me feel more relaxed and needed and happy. Though when I think of my social life I get lonely, hard on myself, and regretted with guilt. Honoring these emotions can be empowering and can lead to positive action.

Sunday Bible Study

I haven’t been involved in a Bible Study in a long, long, . . . time. Honestly the last time I went to church was over two months ago. I’m listening to Motivational Videos and researching how to do my morning Bible Study. I want to draw closer to God and really trust him. It says to not lean on your own understanding and that we’re not in charge.

Joyce Meyer’s : How To Study The Bible

https://joycemeyer.org/everydayanswers/ea-teachings/how-to-study-the-bible

I need a change in perspectives and my attitudes; lately my housemates have stated that I’ve become more like myself after I got out of rehab right before my 34rd Birthday. Don’t look at what you don’t have; look at what you do have and thank God for everything you already have. Trust God to restore your body, soul, mind, and spirit.

“And so this is still a live promise. It wasn’t canceled at the time of Joshua; otherwise, God wouldn’t keep renewing the appointment for “today.” The promise of “arrival” and “rest” is still there for God’s people. God himself is rest. And at the end of the journey we’ll surely rest with God. So let’s keep at it and eventually arrive at the place of rest, not drop out through some sort of disobedience.”

Hebrews 5 8 – 11

Every time I read God’s word I find insight and understand greater amounts about God’s love for all of us. I really needed this verse . . . I have given up too much and too easily. I don’t want to talk about how many times I have run away or how I dropped out of college. We are all on a journey; and my life has been better managed here. I stepped outside to smoke a cigarette while I was in the middle of the verse. One of our daily highlights of the day. Your opinion does or doesn’t matter; I respect you all because you have come to read my blog.

Juneteenth € 16 MM

Just blessed My House Manager wishing her a Happy Juneteenth 🥧 … 🌭 … 🍟 …🥤… Today has been an extremely blessed day 💕 !! I’m mostly Taiwanese & My Grandpa fought in the North Korean War!

Everything happens for a reason! My Father sent me $50… As it’s Friday 💰… My Father also said That we’re going to go out to eat at my favorite restaurant on the 20th! His favorite father is Pop 🥂 PoP Floyd 🍾 @Jin’s by the Target 🎯 I first worked at on Cooper St.

Pulling A Camp-style All Nighter

I saw on the news; that they are giving 👮‍♀️ tickets to people that are camping without a camping 🏕 license a $500! I’ve been to group and individual camps… 17 times!!! In the past; visiting friends & family. I miss … Youth Church Camping! My son is taking summer school instead of camps this year; but he recently got kicked out for hitting his teacher.

Ever since I was a little girl “My Family” has been very outdoorsy! I’m a country girl by heart 💜 I’m also into anything strange and different. My Dad took me to “The BassMaster Classic” & I’ve lived good and gotten to go fishing with my Father over 15,000 times! I grew up a Daddy’s Girl! We traveled a lot when I was little following my Grandfather and Grandmother!

I also had a bad attitude on some days & was normally lazy on other days. Then productive on some days with mixtures of fun 🤩 included. I first went camping when I was 14 1/2 with a group and the main king was ❤️ John! Johnny Boy … See you on the other side of the train 🚂!

First when I was 15; it was me & my roommate at McNeese Boulevard. I was impacted by Hurricane Katrina and received a FEMA / FAFSA ✅🦣 I enjoyed my dorm and at that time … I was “Slightly Stooped” on a “Cheap Trick” because I was so young, naive, stubborn, and pride always comes before the fall.

When I returned back where I went to school in DeRidder; then I started working at “Golden Corral” selling okra and carrots 🥕 I was considered a “Porch Money” & I have spent 32,000 hours outside as a “Cherokee with a Chief” & With A “Officer In Command”!

The list of names is wrong in my opinion; although there’s things I’m currently doing to increase the good and fortune 🔮 things of my future… In America 🇺🇸 Things have been very uncertain & I hope that everyone received some good financial strength as of lately.

Biden; please guide this country by the Wisdom reached at a communal Christian fellowship. I did really well at TCC in AP Government & I would love ❤️ to watch the new “Purge” Movie 🎥 📲 !!!

So I took a step back … it’s like I’ll move 1 step forward and 2 steps back & two steps forward and one step back. I danced up a storm today & totally it’s been worth it seeing & remembering a face of the past.

Be Safe; on your next camping trip <&?!>

1. Choose your friends closely; remember your always responsible for how messed up you get! If you can’t handle your drink or your smoke… step aside & find a quiet way to chill.

2. Keep up with your personal belongings; no one in “Adult World” is going too; although friends are there to help at times we can and cannot be trusted.

3. Leave the bullshit before going into the social area; this applies first to work, then to learning educationally, then at romantically engaging in activities. 💕 Miss xoxo Suicide Girls!!!

It’s 3:10 & that about wraps up this $10 peace ☮️ offering & me & my buddy still out straight white girl chillin! I’ve got a case manager coming at 8AM!!

Doodling & Patiently Waiting To Do Laundry

Today is laundry day; before I moved out of my parents house; I remember days when I would stand in front of my mothers washer and dryer and do loads of laundry. I had a good life back then with my parents & lately I’m emotionally missing them; thinking of all the ways I had been disrespectful to them & myself in my 20’s up till recently. It’s been 2 months (Since I got back from H.E.B. Mental Hospital in Denton) & 2 weeks since I’ve gotten back from JPS & I’ve been doing better each day.

Waiting patiently is really what matters. I know now that all the times I’ve left with a bad attitude to do something destructive about 5 to 7 times; was the wrong choice. I am thankful that SSDI & my parents; help me every month to pay my rent of $675 & Dad sends $50 through Venmo every Friday.

Holding on to what you have & not getting involved in other people’s business; while at the same time being helpful & kind; is something that has become more important to me. I am wanting to become dedicated to the “Long Term Help” I have & am receiving each day.

The Love of Your Own History

I can say I have had a couple of relationships with people who have either helped me or hurt me. I have disorganized love attachment; according to articles I have found; check out My Pinterest; in order to check your attachment style. That’s why it’s best for me to stay single & I want to have a good Valentines.

Quotes On Being Single

  • “Single isn’t a status. It’s a word that describes a person who is strong enough to enjoy life without depending on the wrong people.”
  • “It takes a strong person to remain single in a world that is accustomed to settling with anything just to say they have something.” Quote Found On Pins
  • “Being Single & having peace of mind is much better than being in a relationship where you feel single & have no peace of mind.”

As much as I try to get it correct and connect in a caring way things back fire or something goes wrong. I wish their was a way to stop the vicious cycle and with the power of the internet and self-learning; then expressing to “You” My Reader how the information I have found corelates to finding correction to a love of somehow growing and maturing as a community.

The Different Attachment Styles

Normally your parents attachment style will affect your style. Things in your history can affect how you feel towards love and other things within your relationships.

Disorganized Attachment; wants intimacy but fear it, expects to be hurt, faces fear of rejection.

Secure; Comfortable with Intimacy, Self – Sufficient, Capable of Trust, Positive view of self & others.

Anxious; Seeks excessive intimacy, seeks constant reassurance, overly preoccupied with the relationship, Negative view of self.

Avoidant; Uncomfortable with intimacy, overly independent, can seem distant, positive view of self.

2021-02-14T07:38:00

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Until Valentine’s Day

Being vulnerable in today’s society is tough on some; we don’t know what direction to turn to and at times and we don’t know who to turn to. We don’t know if we made a good or bad choice; and sometimes, you just have to get yourself out of a funk. My Dad once told me that guys will do anything to get sex. Which sex isn’t love; and I am planning on sustaining from the negative situation this causes.

As a Single Christian Woman, I haven’t always been as careful as I needed to be in relationships and taking care of myself. I am learning to take things as they come and live one God given day at a time; throughout my depression, anxiety, and most importantly my life is in Gods hands.

Ways To Rock At Being Single or Away From Your Loved Ones While Following God’s Path For Your Life.

  1. Though I have talked to a few cute faces; and we seem to be communicating well. It’s important to stay faithful to your commitments; I wish this could be something I could sit down & talk to a counselor about.
  2. Build and deepen your relationship with God; start having a healthy and loving relationship with yourself and with God. I have been in a funk these last few days; I guess it’s the weather changing, or the way my medications have an effect on me but I have been through my highs and my lows emotionally, without shedding one tear.
  3. Have Honesty, and Trust, and the Courage to be vulnerable. One thing I have learned is not everything is your fault. It is sometimes a hard thing for me to deal with but there are some things we can control and we have to have the courage to let go of the rest. Like when my Dad can’t pick me up on the weekends or something doesn’t go according to plan. I have to find faith in God to just take it as it comes and see that things get better.
  4. As Christians we are to die to ourselves daily and offer grace and love even when we don’t feel like it. A strong relationship with Christ will prepare you for Marriage; I used to think I didn’t want to get Married. I’ve had a few offers and non of them worked out, including my ex which was about 8 years ago; and my son is in the care of my parents and I’m glad to say “The Family Is Doing Good!”
  5. Life is too short to wait for someone to join you in things that you could have done already. Learn with me to daily taking better care of ourselves and finding things to do that you are able and willing to create a fun and interesting life for yourself without going to overboard or ending in jail. Don’t be so eager to change your status romantically or economically. God has you exactly where you are for a reason.

Having Respect In Healthy Relationships

I use my prayer journal to keep track of my prayer life and today I have focused on Healthy Relationships; as it is one of my goals for the year to have more meaningful relationships.

Accountability: Admitting mistakes, and accepting responsibility; for behaviors, attitudes, and values.

  • Starts with you; model the behavior that you want to them too meet.
  • When you make commitment’s; keep them and be held responsible for your decisions.
  • An all the time thing; be seen as accountable.
  • Use resources wisely; and have your own success and rewards.
  • Organized planning and Time Management.

Safety: Refusing to intimidate or manipulate, respecting physical space, and expressing yourself non-violently.

  • Safe from undergoing or causing harm, injury, or loss.
  • Being protected from harm or undesirable outcomes.
  • Thinking ahead and working together.
  • Being aware of surroundings and being mindful.
  • Trusting your gut feeling.

Honesty: Communicating openly & truthfully.

  • Refraining from lying, hypocrisy, cheating, and stealing.
  • Moral Character; integrity and truthfulness.
  • Don’t compare yourself to others.
  • Take time to reflect on a daily basis.
  • There is strength in vulnerability.

Support: Support each others choices by being understanding and offering encouragement; listening without being judgemental.

  • Silence can be a good thing but don’t ignore.
  • Don’t wait until they ask for help.
  • Don’t rush painful times; allow time for healing.
  • Don’t make it about yourself.
  • Pay attention to each other.

Cooperation: Asking and not expecting, accepting change and making decisions together that benefit the whole group. Being willing to compromise and having a win win resolution to conflict.

  • Working together towards some end result.
  • Everyone has to be an active member and agree to do what their going to do.
  • Not for selfish benefit.
  • Express understanding of thoughts and feelings.
  • Show empathy without condoning.

Trust: Accepting each others words and giving the benefit of the doubt.

10 Ways To Build Trust in a Relationship – PositivePsychology.com

  • Open conversations; you are both willing to let your guard down & share.
  • Saying what you mean & meaning what you say.
  • Build trust gradually and take the small steps necessary.
  • Don’t expect too much too soon.
  • Make decisions carefully and be organized.

Check out my Pinterest Board on Relationships @ Pinterest