Tuition Prices & Wisdom

What is your relationship with money? Where is the most expensive school you’ve ever attended? I went to Texas Wesleyan for Productions and Humanities. I am planning on starting more YouTube videos and starting a series. Snapchat was our primary source of our learning experience. I need to sort through and look at my Transcript. I am having to payback Texas Wesleyan $8,000.

I Miss My Old Guitar & Being Musically Inclined. This video was taken about 10 – 12 years ago.

My times at UTA; where another expensive time in my life and I have an outstanding loan for about $4,000. Man! I need to purchase some Blue Tooth Headphones. It would probably be cheaper to buy them online, huh?

This morning I listened to a Podcast using the app Player FM and I’m loving listening to Podcast. The Topic was Social Anxiety Disorder; by “BlindBoyBoatClub”. He talked about how we have a child, adult, and parent side to us.

I wanted to get my backpack and purse back from a friend of mine but my main person wouldn’t let me. Instead of what I normally would have done; by getting upset I took it gently and didn’t get upset and I probably won’t get my stuff back but I have been blessed with mostly everything I need.

Dealing With Depression

As humans we are always searching for something. Though one thing I have dealt with lately is to not become CoDependent. I’m charging my iPhone and sometimes I get irritated that the battery is low. I’m also enjoying my vaporizer and have had about two cups of coffee.

My Blanket from Target $10 and My Halloween Pumpkin 🎃 Pillow From Mission Arlington.

I bought some craft supplies to paint and make pumpkins 🎃 yesterday as Fall is finally here. I’ve been to “The Spirit of Halloween” twice and am thinking about what I want to be for Halloween! I don’t want to spend more than $25 on a costume but I was thinking about being Hello Kitty. Though I haven’t seen one costume that is Hello Kitty; so maybe just a cat. Though I’ll have to wait till it comes closer to time because I’m not getting paid till next Friday.

Things that have been going good though except for battling with my depression. Things causing me depression include:

1. My family; my son has been in a bad mood and I feel we don’t spend enough time together as a family.

2. Dealing with the past; I’m slowly learning to get past it, to stop 🛑 running away, and trusting people that take care of me.

3. My hand 🤚 and how it hurts to write. As it’s my dominant hand ✋ and I don’t know how too write with my left. I haven’t been able to focus on my free courses.

4. I’m owing money to bill collectors for AT&T UVerse which I don’t have and for UTA outstanding loans amounting In $3,500 and FAFSA Loans amounting in $20,000. I don’t think 💭 I’ll be able to go back to school and finish my Senior year.

5. My relationship life; with people and stuff. Especially spiritually, I feel people are overstepping their boundaries.

It’s important that you give all your worrying and needs over to God. I’m learning to be an individual and more of myself as a princess 👑 of God everyday. It’s also a hard political times; as we watch our country struggle. There’s rumors about a fourth stimulus package 📦 but that’s all in the air.

Just Be Patient with yourself and those you love 💕. Be kind in the process but

Sunday Bible Study

I haven’t been involved in a Bible Study in a long, long, . . . time. Honestly the last time I went to church was over two months ago. I’m listening to Motivational Videos and researching how to do my morning Bible Study. I want to draw closer to God and really trust him. It says to not lean on your own understanding and that we’re not in charge.

Joyce Meyer’s : How To Study The Bible

https://joycemeyer.org/everydayanswers/ea-teachings/how-to-study-the-bible

I need a change in perspectives and my attitudes; lately my housemates have stated that I’ve become more like myself after I got out of rehab right before my 34rd Birthday. Don’t look at what you don’t have; look at what you do have and thank God for everything you already have. Trust God to restore your body, soul, mind, and spirit.

“And so this is still a live promise. It wasn’t canceled at the time of Joshua; otherwise, God wouldn’t keep renewing the appointment for “today.” The promise of “arrival” and “rest” is still there for God’s people. God himself is rest. And at the end of the journey we’ll surely rest with God. So let’s keep at it and eventually arrive at the place of rest, not drop out through some sort of disobedience.”

Hebrews 5 8 – 11

Every time I read God’s word I find insight and understand greater amounts about God’s love for all of us. I really needed this verse . . . I have given up too much and too easily. I don’t want to talk about how many times I have run away or how I dropped out of college. We are all on a journey; and my life has been better managed here. I stepped outside to smoke a cigarette while I was in the middle of the verse. One of our daily highlights of the day. Your opinion does or doesn’t matter; I respect you all because you have come to read my blog.

My Stay At The Hospital

I just got out of “Mesa Springs” Hospital 🏥 I’ve been in the hospital almost 20 days this month. I got out at 9:45AM & my MHMR case manager picked me up. The food 🍱 was great and the stay comfortable. I am at “Heritage Day Care Center!” Where I’ve been since I got dropped off.

They put me on some new medicine and I have started to feel better although I have a pretty bad cough. The discharge papers are in an orange 🍊 folder and ready for the manager of Cave Care to view. Hopefully I can see that I can move into the new house on Meadow-brook.

I am planning on going to outpatient therapy and doing the best I can.

Heat Waves & Hospital Stays

Its 6PM & I got home from the hospital at 3PM; our weather is getting hot 🥵! My group home MGR received my discharge paper work & gave me my five cigarettes. I have been in the “Mesa Springs” 🏥 since the 25th.

I was surprised that My True Mental Health Personnel was taking me to the 🏥 on Friday. I just got informed that we needed to stop 🛑 services with True Mental.

Each day during inpatient rehab we had about five group sessions lead by the Therapist and Nurses. We learned how to communicate better and there were about 9 people in my group in the “Willows Division”! For the most part I drank a lot of coffee and sodas in my new Tumblr and for the last three days I had no cigarettes to smoke 💨.

I’m happy to say I’m home 🏠; I also called & FaceTime with my Dad & he sent me $50 on my Venmo account. I got into the MHMR vehicle and met my new case manager and before he dropped me off at the house he helped me by taking me to the Shell 🐚 and I spent $12 on a pack of American Spirits 🚬🪛 Military Green & a green lighter.

Juneteenth € 16 MM

Just blessed My House Manager wishing her a Happy Juneteenth 🥧 … 🌭 … 🍟 …🥤… Today has been an extremely blessed day 💕 !! I’m mostly Taiwanese & My Grandpa fought in the North Korean War!

Everything happens for a reason! My Father sent me $50… As it’s Friday 💰… My Father also said That we’re going to go out to eat at my favorite restaurant on the 20th! His favorite father is Pop 🥂 PoP Floyd 🍾 @Jin’s by the Target 🎯 I first worked at on Cooper St.

Pulling A Camp-style All Nighter

I saw on the news; that they are giving 👮‍♀️ tickets to people that are camping without a camping 🏕 license a $500! I’ve been to group and individual camps… 17 times!!! In the past; visiting friends & family. I miss … Youth Church Camping! My son is taking summer school instead of camps this year; but he recently got kicked out for hitting his teacher.

Ever since I was a little girl “My Family” has been very outdoorsy! I’m a country girl by heart 💜 I’m also into anything strange and different. My Dad took me to “The BassMaster Classic” & I’ve lived good and gotten to go fishing with my Father over 15,000 times! I grew up a Daddy’s Girl! We traveled a lot when I was little following my Grandfather and Grandmother!

I also had a bad attitude on some days & was normally lazy on other days. Then productive on some days with mixtures of fun 🤩 included. I first went camping when I was 14 1/2 with a group and the main king was ❤️ John! Johnny Boy … See you on the other side of the train 🚂!

First when I was 15; it was me & my roommate at McNeese Boulevard. I was impacted by Hurricane Katrina and received a FEMA / FAFSA ✅🦣 I enjoyed my dorm and at that time … I was “Slightly Stooped” on a “Cheap Trick” because I was so young, naive, stubborn, and pride always comes before the fall.

When I returned back where I went to school in DeRidder; then I started working at “Golden Corral” selling okra and carrots 🥕 I was considered a “Porch Money” & I have spent 32,000 hours outside as a “Cherokee with a Chief” & With A “Officer In Command”!

The list of names is wrong in my opinion; although there’s things I’m currently doing to increase the good and fortune 🔮 things of my future… In America 🇺🇸 Things have been very uncertain & I hope that everyone received some good financial strength as of lately.

Biden; please guide this country by the Wisdom reached at a communal Christian fellowship. I did really well at TCC in AP Government & I would love ❤️ to watch the new “Purge” Movie 🎥 📲 !!!

So I took a step back … it’s like I’ll move 1 step forward and 2 steps back & two steps forward and one step back. I danced up a storm today & totally it’s been worth it seeing & remembering a face of the past.

Be Safe; on your next camping trip <&?!>

1. Choose your friends closely; remember your always responsible for how messed up you get! If you can’t handle your drink or your smoke… step aside & find a quiet way to chill.

2. Keep up with your personal belongings; no one in “Adult World” is going too; although friends are there to help at times we can and cannot be trusted.

3. Leave the bullshit before going into the social area; this applies first to work, then to learning educationally, then at romantically engaging in activities. 💕 Miss xoxo Suicide Girls!!!

It’s 3:10 & that about wraps up this $10 peace ☮️ offering & me & my buddy still out straight white girl chillin! I’ve got a case manager coming at 8AM!!

Best Of Luck On A Saturday Morning

Thank you for my first comment! I had better intentions; I knew but in someway or another I always ran away from being the most responsible person that I could be.

It wasn’t that I was ill equipped; but my Care Giver this morning said “Stop Playing With My Intelligence…” and the care giver from last night stated that “Life is Temporary…”.

My Grandfather’s we’re Poppa Floyd & JB Skeleton… Meanwhile; I have invested into a working relationship from all parts of a Social Structured Economy $ Where we all share of similar ideas, values, and expressions.

In a way these are harsh statements, but I think that they are in my best interest to start finally seeing life as it comes and take it step by step to daily improvement.

I am not a bad person; I’ve (AKA) just not always been the wisest or most determinedly disciplined. If you have done your research you would have known that both of my grandparents have fought in the Korean (Korsmo) War.

Things I Want In My Future;

  1. My friends to really trust me and to build good relationships built on mutual respect and not just because we have to get along but because we genuinely want to kindle a relationship that is everlasting. Seems God made us for relationships; and in the past 11 years I have ran off the people that came into my life.
  2. Not having everything perfect is kind of what makes things fun in life; but I do want to take better control of my situations in life and be a good steward of the life God has provided. We all pay a price and nothing comes for free; there’s nothing like the difference between knowing that your doing the wrong or right things. Right now I have been slowly easing into a transitional phase of starting to do the right things versus putting away a life that was damaging.
  3. Daily Steps In The Right Directions; today I want to do some research and my main source of research is Pinterest. I have been sober three months and have been feeling better. It’s amazing how all aspects of life effect each other. You can’t only be focused on one area of your life and let the others go to the wastelands. You also shouldn’t find yourself stuck in the wastelands as a humanitarian I have lived in all sorts of manners; some pleasing and some not to pleasing.
  4. I need to take pride in what I have; I have a house that is mine and friends that are mine but realizing that coming of age if your not doing your best to keep up with everything in mind of retrospective and setting improvement everyday… You fail to neglect your responsibilities which only hurts yourself; I’ve needed this phase of repair for about 11 years; no body is going to live for you and at the end of the day no one is responsible for how you speak, act, or behave but yourself.
  5. Managing what I have is not too hard; and I need to stop being so lazy. My parents have been preaching this for years and I’m finally seeing that I was making myself miserable and only I’m too blame for the choices I made. I don’t plan on continuing these bad choices; but when you make up your mind to do something you need to stick to the original plan and not embark on choices of random will; then you’ll be known as a flake. .

This Morning; Saturday Is Downtime – We don’t go to the Center on the Weekend and I heard from my manager that our group will start work but she will tell us when.

Before my old roommate passed away her future husband gave me a book 📚; I have read barely even chapter one of “The Real World” by Natsuo Kirino. I’m on page 18 …

Seems I put too many projects on my plate & need to stop 🛑 multitasking!!!

My roommate is still asleep; and I just had the best cup of coffee and a cigarette. I need to think hard about what direction my life is going in… I called my family from the store yesterday; after I said I wouldn’t. I say one thing then turn around and do something totally different. I’m just not making sense right now. That’s the hardest thing I have to deal with is really speaking truth and making something out of myself.

Now don’t rush off and judge me; It seems we see things that other people don’t see and I mean well and normally keep to myself. Though; there’s definitely great room for improvement. Like doing more work around the house and taking pride in what God has provided for me here. I have a desire in my heart to see myself reach things that I wanted to achieve ever since I was 23 and get into a good lifestyle of taking care of myself and my belongings. I’ve learned the hard way that if you don’t take pride in what you have you loose it. There’s already so much I have lost but there’s still so much to gain.

My roommate woke up at 12:30PM; and asked about breakfast… She told me not to wake her up. So I tried to stay out of the room most of the morning. I woke up about 9AM; and I just want to relax today and do some research on how I can improve the quality of my life and doing better from now on.

Pinterest Articles & Tips On Improving Your Life

Ways To Build Confidence; Instead of running off or calling my family or getting mad at staff or at housemates I need to understand that I am in charge of myself. These people are here to help me but they can’t be used as a crutch; I have all the resources I need to improved my life. I just need to stop and take the time to use the resources to the best of my advantage and not the people. The Golden Rule; treat other’s the way they want to be treated holds true and lately I don’t think things have been going in the best way that they could.

Tips & Learning

  1. I’m looking for a counselor and needing to schedule appointments for things like an OBGYN and a Dental Appointment. These things are my responsibility although I have MHMR there to help; my case manager said this week that I’m able to schedule these appointments on my own and do my part of the work. After all; these things are to improve my overall health and in my best interest. The key point here is too be responsible and take intuitive into your own hands.
  2. Confidence can be described as a feeling of self-assurance from one’s ability… As I’ll be 34 this year I am a Grown Woman of God and no longer dependent on my family as much as I was. Although; I say that I need reassurance from myself and I have grown apart from my family and they don’t make the decisions meaning that I do. I need to be less codependent on them and start focusing on what’s right for me.
  3. Everybody’s purpose and life are different; although we all share the same house we all should contribute. Stop Comparing; maybe things weren’t fair when you were little you have to let go of the hurt and drama and set yourself free from the pain of oppression you feel within yourself. You can’t let others walk all over you and you have to stand your own ground.
  4. Some of my best skills and qualities are that I’m a good listener and I make an effort to help others feel like their included. I enjoy the arts and writings; and I also enjoy learning and working on living my best life. I would like to improve on my list of skills and qualities in the next 6 months.
  5. Don’t let other people control you; there will always be rules in life. The best thing to do is go by the rules and not just do whatever you want. I have been in jail three times; and don’t intend to go back. That means staying in the Group Home and following the rules. Don’t let peer pressure and justifying the norms determine what direction you are going in life.

Resource List

  1. 10 Inspirational TED Talks About Building Confidence (yourhappinessquest.com)
  2. How to Build Confidence God’s Way | Kris Reece
  3. 100 Fun Ways to Build Self Confidence (nerdyrockson.co)
  4. How To Build Your Self -Esteem And Be More Confident – (beaucraft.co)
  5. What’s Blocking Your Happiness: Self-Confidence – Punch Drunk Soul

Doodling & Patiently Waiting To Do Laundry

Today is laundry day; before I moved out of my parents house; I remember days when I would stand in front of my mothers washer and dryer and do loads of laundry. I had a good life back then with my parents & lately I’m emotionally missing them; thinking of all the ways I had been disrespectful to them & myself in my 20’s up till recently. It’s been 2 months (Since I got back from H.E.B. Mental Hospital in Denton) & 2 weeks since I’ve gotten back from JPS & I’ve been doing better each day.

Waiting patiently is really what matters. I know now that all the times I’ve left with a bad attitude to do something destructive about 5 to 7 times; was the wrong choice. I am thankful that SSDI & my parents; help me every month to pay my rent of $675 & Dad sends $50 through Venmo every Friday.

Holding on to what you have & not getting involved in other people’s business; while at the same time being helpful & kind; is something that has become more important to me. I am wanting to become dedicated to the “Long Term Help” I have & am receiving each day.

Blogging & Moving Forward

I have had my blog since January & I have noticed some things that irritate me about my blogging. For instance according to a post the average of a post should be 2,000 words. Also I need to be more in depth about who and what I am & stand for as an online entrepreneur.

Right now; I’ve been posting about my day to day and not driving too much traffic to my site. At the moment I’m using my iPhone 11 to do my post & WordPress wouldn’t allow me to post from my HP Laptop.

During the days of the week; I go to Heritage Day Care Center and I have been posting a lot about it. The Pastor; picks me up about 9:30AM to 10AM. Then as soon as we arrive; we have breakfast and coffee.

My little sister graduates from UTA today & I’m happy for her. Both of my sisters have graduated from UTA. My Mom; has also graduated from UTA and she’s thinking about going back to school. I have completed my Junior year at UTA & have completed Humanitarian Arts & Production at Texas Wesleyan. I’m hoping I can get student loan forgiveness.

I want to provide more content for my readers & start doing more for JF-Designs. I was recently accepted into “UTA’s AD & PR Network”.