Tuition Prices & Wisdom

What is your relationship with money? Where is the most expensive school you’ve ever attended? I went to Texas Wesleyan for Productions and Humanities. I am planning on starting more YouTube videos and starting a series. Snapchat was our primary source of our learning experience. I need to sort through and look at my Transcript. I am having to payback Texas Wesleyan $8,000.

I Miss My Old Guitar & Being Musically Inclined. This video was taken about 10 – 12 years ago.

My times at UTA; where another expensive time in my life and I have an outstanding loan for about $4,000. Man! I need to purchase some Blue Tooth Headphones. It would probably be cheaper to buy them online, huh?

This morning I listened to a Podcast using the app Player FM and I’m loving listening to Podcast. The Topic was Social Anxiety Disorder; by “BlindBoyBoatClub”. He talked about how we have a child, adult, and parent side to us.

I wanted to get my backpack and purse back from a friend of mine but my main person wouldn’t let me. Instead of what I normally would have done; by getting upset I took it gently and didn’t get upset and I probably won’t get my stuff back but I have been blessed with mostly everything I need.

Fall’s Here & Starting To Learn Emotional Stability

As the weather start’s to change, I started my job working at Heritage Daycare Center. We started about 1PM; sorting invoices, receipts, and mail that my manager had. I woke up at 4AM; my roommate made coffee, and we’ve been watching tv. I’m studying, and drinking coffee and we’ve had a few cigarettes. I’m currently taking a course on Coursera.org about Managing Emotions in Times of Uncertainty and Stress. We’re also watching Joyce Myer’s talking about relationships.

Emotional Stability to me means; being held accountable, working through trials and differences, and changing into a better person. I see my Psychiatrist today through a meeting with my case manager this week and a video conference. My roommate noticed I have been feeling insecure and depressed recently and I haven’t been my cheerful self. I talked to My Dad yesterday and lately we’ve been talking about health.

As humans we experience an array of different emotions. For example starting my job helped me feel more relaxed and needed and happy. Though when I think of my social life I get lonely, hard on myself, and regretted with guilt. Honoring these emotions can be empowering and can lead to positive action.

Making The Most Of It

Making The Most Of What God Gives

“After looking at the way things are on this earth 🌎, here’s what I’ve decided is the best way to live: Take care of yourself, have a good time, and make the most of whatever job you have for as long as God gives you life. And that’s about it. That’s the human lot.”

Ecclesiastes 5: 19 – 23

I spoiled my self today and bought a Pumpkin Spice Frappuccino at Starbucks for $6; I’m trying to find other things that give me peace besides smoking cigarettes. My case manager picked me up from Heritage and we went to a cool discount store, 5 and below, The Spirit of Halloween, and Target. I didn’t buy anything else but seriously I’m trying to cut back on cigarettes.

One way we can make the most of life; is to plan accordingly and always be prepared. My hand is still pretty messed up on the right. I have been taking my antibiotic and my Dr. gave me some iodine but I only have one left.

How I’m Spending The Weekend …

Going to stay sober this weekend; and mostly mind my own business. Going over to that trailer isn’t what’s idea for me. Especially since I’ve spent 20 Days in inpatient rehab and I told my Case Manager I wouldn’t go over there anymore. I am going to organize all my stuff this weekend. I still have a bad cough and I still don’t feel 100%!

I have the room to myself on Hightower St. and listening to T.A.T.U.; I went to Goodwill today and bought a hot pink and black backpack and a pair of Rainbow Stripped Nike sneakers.

Found my vaporizer; … be careful who you trust! I had a good day at Heritage Center. I won some Mike N’ Ike’s Tropical Typhoon. Just got done smoking a cigarette and talking with Dad on FaceTime. There’s no TV in here but I love my mini HP laptop.

I got two books today; Captivating by John & Stasi Eldridge and The Night Portrait by Laura Morelli. I need some more vapor oil and the weather is so hot that your ice cream would automatically melt.

Happy 4th Of July

It’s Almost 9AM 🇺🇸 and I’m planning on organizing my room. I have a huge stack of papers to go through & I plan on getting my stuff together for the move to the new house.

Drinking coffee ☕️ and thinking about what I can do to help myself improve in the next couple of months. My Birthday is coming up and I’ll be 34. On Friday; I went to the dentist 🦷 and they did another fitting for my new dentures.

I want to come across as a strong independent woman who doesn’t need that much help from anyone to get what I want in life. One positive way I can become more Independent is too do a good self-assessment of where I am at the current moment.

At the current moment; I am feeling liberated as today is Fourth of July. I’m sitting with my roommate listening to Christian music 🎶 and thinking of what I missed at church this morning. I’m reading through articles on Pinterest & looking forward to lunch. I know I need to do more research and writing about self-improvement to stop negative behavior.

Heat Waves & Hospital Stays

Its 6PM & I got home from the hospital at 3PM; our weather is getting hot 🥵! My group home MGR received my discharge paper work & gave me my five cigarettes. I have been in the “Mesa Springs” 🏥 since the 25th.

I was surprised that My True Mental Health Personnel was taking me to the 🏥 on Friday. I just got informed that we needed to stop 🛑 services with True Mental.

Each day during inpatient rehab we had about five group sessions lead by the Therapist and Nurses. We learned how to communicate better and there were about 9 people in my group in the “Willows Division”! For the most part I drank a lot of coffee and sodas in my new Tumblr and for the last three days I had no cigarettes to smoke 💨.

I’m happy to say I’m home 🏠; I also called & FaceTime with my Dad & he sent me $50 on my Venmo account. I got into the MHMR vehicle and met my new case manager and before he dropped me off at the house he helped me by taking me to the Shell 🐚 and I spent $12 on a pack of American Spirits 🚬🪛 Military Green & a green lighter.

Best Of Luck On A Saturday Morning

Thank you for my first comment! I had better intentions; I knew but in someway or another I always ran away from being the most responsible person that I could be.

It wasn’t that I was ill equipped; but my Care Giver this morning said “Stop Playing With My Intelligence…” and the care giver from last night stated that “Life is Temporary…”.

My Grandfather’s we’re Poppa Floyd & JB Skeleton… Meanwhile; I have invested into a working relationship from all parts of a Social Structured Economy $ Where we all share of similar ideas, values, and expressions.

In a way these are harsh statements, but I think that they are in my best interest to start finally seeing life as it comes and take it step by step to daily improvement.

I am not a bad person; I’ve (AKA) just not always been the wisest or most determinedly disciplined. If you have done your research you would have known that both of my grandparents have fought in the Korean (Korsmo) War.

Things I Want In My Future;

  1. My friends to really trust me and to build good relationships built on mutual respect and not just because we have to get along but because we genuinely want to kindle a relationship that is everlasting. Seems God made us for relationships; and in the past 11 years I have ran off the people that came into my life.
  2. Not having everything perfect is kind of what makes things fun in life; but I do want to take better control of my situations in life and be a good steward of the life God has provided. We all pay a price and nothing comes for free; there’s nothing like the difference between knowing that your doing the wrong or right things. Right now I have been slowly easing into a transitional phase of starting to do the right things versus putting away a life that was damaging.
  3. Daily Steps In The Right Directions; today I want to do some research and my main source of research is Pinterest. I have been sober three months and have been feeling better. It’s amazing how all aspects of life effect each other. You can’t only be focused on one area of your life and let the others go to the wastelands. You also shouldn’t find yourself stuck in the wastelands as a humanitarian I have lived in all sorts of manners; some pleasing and some not to pleasing.
  4. I need to take pride in what I have; I have a house that is mine and friends that are mine but realizing that coming of age if your not doing your best to keep up with everything in mind of retrospective and setting improvement everyday… You fail to neglect your responsibilities which only hurts yourself; I’ve needed this phase of repair for about 11 years; no body is going to live for you and at the end of the day no one is responsible for how you speak, act, or behave but yourself.
  5. Managing what I have is not too hard; and I need to stop being so lazy. My parents have been preaching this for years and I’m finally seeing that I was making myself miserable and only I’m too blame for the choices I made. I don’t plan on continuing these bad choices; but when you make up your mind to do something you need to stick to the original plan and not embark on choices of random will; then you’ll be known as a flake. .

This Morning; Saturday Is Downtime – We don’t go to the Center on the Weekend and I heard from my manager that our group will start work but she will tell us when.

Before my old roommate passed away her future husband gave me a book 📚; I have read barely even chapter one of “The Real World” by Natsuo Kirino. I’m on page 18 …

Seems I put too many projects on my plate & need to stop 🛑 multitasking!!!

My roommate is still asleep; and I just had the best cup of coffee and a cigarette. I need to think hard about what direction my life is going in… I called my family from the store yesterday; after I said I wouldn’t. I say one thing then turn around and do something totally different. I’m just not making sense right now. That’s the hardest thing I have to deal with is really speaking truth and making something out of myself.

Now don’t rush off and judge me; It seems we see things that other people don’t see and I mean well and normally keep to myself. Though; there’s definitely great room for improvement. Like doing more work around the house and taking pride in what God has provided for me here. I have a desire in my heart to see myself reach things that I wanted to achieve ever since I was 23 and get into a good lifestyle of taking care of myself and my belongings. I’ve learned the hard way that if you don’t take pride in what you have you loose it. There’s already so much I have lost but there’s still so much to gain.

My roommate woke up at 12:30PM; and asked about breakfast… She told me not to wake her up. So I tried to stay out of the room most of the morning. I woke up about 9AM; and I just want to relax today and do some research on how I can improve the quality of my life and doing better from now on.

Pinterest Articles & Tips On Improving Your Life

Ways To Build Confidence; Instead of running off or calling my family or getting mad at staff or at housemates I need to understand that I am in charge of myself. These people are here to help me but they can’t be used as a crutch; I have all the resources I need to improved my life. I just need to stop and take the time to use the resources to the best of my advantage and not the people. The Golden Rule; treat other’s the way they want to be treated holds true and lately I don’t think things have been going in the best way that they could.

Tips & Learning

  1. I’m looking for a counselor and needing to schedule appointments for things like an OBGYN and a Dental Appointment. These things are my responsibility although I have MHMR there to help; my case manager said this week that I’m able to schedule these appointments on my own and do my part of the work. After all; these things are to improve my overall health and in my best interest. The key point here is too be responsible and take intuitive into your own hands.
  2. Confidence can be described as a feeling of self-assurance from one’s ability… As I’ll be 34 this year I am a Grown Woman of God and no longer dependent on my family as much as I was. Although; I say that I need reassurance from myself and I have grown apart from my family and they don’t make the decisions meaning that I do. I need to be less codependent on them and start focusing on what’s right for me.
  3. Everybody’s purpose and life are different; although we all share the same house we all should contribute. Stop Comparing; maybe things weren’t fair when you were little you have to let go of the hurt and drama and set yourself free from the pain of oppression you feel within yourself. You can’t let others walk all over you and you have to stand your own ground.
  4. Some of my best skills and qualities are that I’m a good listener and I make an effort to help others feel like their included. I enjoy the arts and writings; and I also enjoy learning and working on living my best life. I would like to improve on my list of skills and qualities in the next 6 months.
  5. Don’t let other people control you; there will always be rules in life. The best thing to do is go by the rules and not just do whatever you want. I have been in jail three times; and don’t intend to go back. That means staying in the Group Home and following the rules. Don’t let peer pressure and justifying the norms determine what direction you are going in life.

Resource List

  1. 10 Inspirational TED Talks About Building Confidence (yourhappinessquest.com)
  2. How to Build Confidence God’s Way | Kris Reece
  3. 100 Fun Ways to Build Self Confidence (nerdyrockson.co)
  4. How To Build Your Self -Esteem And Be More Confident – (beaucraft.co)
  5. What’s Blocking Your Happiness: Self-Confidence – Punch Drunk Soul

Doodling & Patiently Waiting To Do Laundry

Today is laundry day; before I moved out of my parents house; I remember days when I would stand in front of my mothers washer and dryer and do loads of laundry. I had a good life back then with my parents & lately I’m emotionally missing them; thinking of all the ways I had been disrespectful to them & myself in my 20’s up till recently. It’s been 2 months (Since I got back from H.E.B. Mental Hospital in Denton) & 2 weeks since I’ve gotten back from JPS & I’ve been doing better each day.

Waiting patiently is really what matters. I know now that all the times I’ve left with a bad attitude to do something destructive about 5 to 7 times; was the wrong choice. I am thankful that SSDI & my parents; help me every month to pay my rent of $675 & Dad sends $50 through Venmo every Friday.

Holding on to what you have & not getting involved in other people’s business; while at the same time being helpful & kind; is something that has become more important to me. I am wanting to become dedicated to the “Long Term Help” I have & am receiving each day.

Having Respect In Healthy Relationships

I use my prayer journal to keep track of my prayer life and today I have focused on Healthy Relationships; as it is one of my goals for the year to have more meaningful relationships.

Accountability: Admitting mistakes, and accepting responsibility; for behaviors, attitudes, and values.

  • Starts with you; model the behavior that you want to them too meet.
  • When you make commitment’s; keep them and be held responsible for your decisions.
  • An all the time thing; be seen as accountable.
  • Use resources wisely; and have your own success and rewards.
  • Organized planning and Time Management.

Safety: Refusing to intimidate or manipulate, respecting physical space, and expressing yourself non-violently.

  • Safe from undergoing or causing harm, injury, or loss.
  • Being protected from harm or undesirable outcomes.
  • Thinking ahead and working together.
  • Being aware of surroundings and being mindful.
  • Trusting your gut feeling.

Honesty: Communicating openly & truthfully.

  • Refraining from lying, hypocrisy, cheating, and stealing.
  • Moral Character; integrity and truthfulness.
  • Don’t compare yourself to others.
  • Take time to reflect on a daily basis.
  • There is strength in vulnerability.

Support: Support each others choices by being understanding and offering encouragement; listening without being judgemental.

  • Silence can be a good thing but don’t ignore.
  • Don’t wait until they ask for help.
  • Don’t rush painful times; allow time for healing.
  • Don’t make it about yourself.
  • Pay attention to each other.

Cooperation: Asking and not expecting, accepting change and making decisions together that benefit the whole group. Being willing to compromise and having a win win resolution to conflict.

  • Working together towards some end result.
  • Everyone has to be an active member and agree to do what their going to do.
  • Not for selfish benefit.
  • Express understanding of thoughts and feelings.
  • Show empathy without condoning.

Trust: Accepting each others words and giving the benefit of the doubt.

10 Ways To Build Trust in a Relationship – PositivePsychology.com

  • Open conversations; you are both willing to let your guard down & share.
  • Saying what you mean & meaning what you say.
  • Build trust gradually and take the small steps necessary.
  • Don’t expect too much too soon.
  • Make decisions carefully and be organized.

Check out my Pinterest Board on Relationships @ Pinterest