Yesterday I bought a large orange cream slush from Sonic when my case manager for the week picked me up to do my assessment. I also bought a pack of cigars. I started another course on coursera.org called “Positive Psychiatry & Mental Health”. My Depression scored a 5, My Anxiety a 7, My Stress an 11. I need to be monitoring symptoms and identifying strategies.
My Flourishing Score was a 53; and it stated that I have many Psychological Resources & Strengths. I’ve learned that the more I am learning on these subjects, the better I feel.
I love ❤️ learning about how to make myself a better person. I’m smoking a cigar; and thankfully I have been doing good on my meds. Drinking my second cup of coffee. It feels so nice outside; not quite sweater weather but I like the new header I made.
Good Morning! It’s 7:45AM; and I have had a hard time sleeping. I was woken up at 3:30AM. I just received .50cents for a cigarette from one of my housemates. I’m trying to cut back on smoking cigarettes.
No one in the world is a mind reader; and somethings are better left unsaid. Especially when someone is trying to force a thought into your head. My new roommate is an elderly woman who used to be a school teacher. I like what she chooses to watch on TV; but not when it wakes me up in the middle of the night.
I took a shower this morning and am looking forward to going to Heritage. Hopefully we’ll work today; and sort more mail. We had a new care giver and I think she did a really great job. The food was good, she let us go outside during the right times. She was also very encouraging and had patience to be kind.
As most of my reader’s know . . . I’m a Communications Major. My Mystery is how I’m going to pay back my Student Loans on FAFSA and continue My Education.
What is your relationship with money? Where is the most expensive school you’ve ever attended? I went to Texas Wesleyan for Productions and Humanities. I am planning on starting more YouTube videos and starting a series. Snapchat was our primary source of our learning experience. I need to sort through and look at my Transcript. I am having to payback Texas Wesleyan $8,000.
My times at UTA; where another expensive time in my life and I have an outstanding loan for about $4,000. Man! I need to purchase some Blue Tooth Headphones. It would probably be cheaper to buy them online, huh?
This morning I listened to a Podcast using the app Player FM and I’m loving listening to Podcast. The Topic was Social Anxiety Disorder; by “BlindBoyBoatClub”. He talked about how we have a child, adult, and parent side to us.
I wanted to get my backpack and purse back from a friend of mine but my main person wouldn’t let me. Instead of what I normally would have done; by getting upset I took it gently and didn’t get upset and I probably won’t get my stuff back but I have been blessed with mostly everything I need.
I’m slowly going to get my hand ✋ back to where it stops hurting. I went to Wound Evolution yesterday and they told me that their going to have to cut the tips of my middle & ring 💍 fingers off on the right side.
I moved into another room last night and am still needing to get my stuff and move it. So; I have a new roommate.
My roommate woke me up at 3AM; and I haven’t been able to go back to sleep. Just had a cup of coffee; and a “Lucky Strike” cigarette. Yesterday around 2PM the dentist office called me and I was able to pick up my dentures at 4:30PM. Last night I slept with them in my mouth.
My Dad came and picked me up and we went to Medico MD to pick my dentures up. Then we went to Family Dollar and bought Poligrip, some Charmin toilet paper, and some good laundry soap. Dad also bought me two packs of “Lucky Strike” Cigarettes. I wasn’t able to see the little one; but I had given my Dad a wooden pumpkin for him to paint, an spirograph, and a set of Halloween erasers.
I needed to get up early this morning because I am going to Wound Evolution; with my case manager from MHMR. I’m feeling all sort of emotions right now; scared, happy, exuberant. As I’m cuddled on my bed with my books that I wish my hand was able to write in. This morning my case manager will be here at 8:30AM; so I still have about 3 hours and a few minutes before she picks me up.
What I’ve learned through going through a physical difficulty:
My Dentures; our house caregiver said I look beautiful in them and am looking like a pretty young woman.
As long as I take the best care of myself – the better I will feel and the happier I will be.
It’s important to keep up with your stuff and take care of expensive belongings.
Insurance Is a blessing; and take care of your information and money. Don’t be frivolous
Don’t take anything for granted; I started to get bad teeth when my son was born and all my teeth started decaying and falling out. My son has bad teeth.
Stay comfortable and there’s no need to beat yourself up to a dark place where you’re all alone.
Remember to stay safe and use your resources wisely.
When your smile is pretty you have better opportunities to feel good about yourself.
Take it slowly; there’s no need to be in a rush or be hard on your health.
Slow down on smoking and candy; with Halloween coming up candies in season.
Remember to brush your teeth and be responsible.
Don’t venture off alone and stay out as long as you can; it would have been better to stay at home and not have had this happen.
My Emotions class on Coursera taught me that our minds play tricks on us to think we want something when we really wouldn’t be happier with it.
Things can be prevented as long as your patient and are able to wait.
Wanting things isn’t wrong but it’s wrong when you annoy everyone with complaining of severe pain, not able to do chores, are addicted to Aspirin and other things that are more harmful.
Things can get out of hand and it’s best just to do the best you can.
Teaching and seeking to be understood about a difficult subject isn’t easy but it’s worth it.
I had one girl say at a hospital early in April that no one cares about my hand. Be careful who you surround yourself with; not everyone is going to like you. Just accept it!
Having fun isn’t worth hurting yourself over and over. Once you’ve had you’re fun and have gotten hurt there’s a ton of regret and anger that takes humility and truth.
Hurting to write in my journals and study; has been hard but I know I’m not alone when I’ve had to take time to heal.
I’m lucky! Going to see the wound specialist – some people can’t get the help they need the most. Though it’s mostly from learning resources wisely. Yes … I was a Cadet Girl Scout and my Dad was an Eagle Scout.
A Greater Journey
” I hugged my Dad and He said I look beautiful… As He took out his phone and took a photo! He was always meaning for me to be careful…
Living in danger can be tragical… God and His word and strong powerful moto! Be safe and be truthful…
As good as the words I love you; as the Good Word is bold!”
As humans we are always searching for something. Though one thing I have dealt with lately is to not become CoDependent. I’m charging my iPhone and sometimes I get irritated that the battery is low. I’m also enjoying my vaporizer and have had about two cups of coffee.
I bought some craft supplies to paint and make pumpkins 🎃 yesterday as Fall is finally here. I’ve been to “The Spirit of Halloween” twice and am thinking about what I want to be for Halloween! I don’t want to spend more than $25 on a costume but I was thinking about being Hello Kitty. Though I haven’t seen one costume that is Hello Kitty; so maybe just a cat. Though I’ll have to wait till it comes closer to time because I’m not getting paid till next Friday.
Things that have been going good though except for battling with my depression. Things causing me depression include:
1. My family; my son has been in a bad mood and I feel we don’t spend enough time together as a family.
2. Dealing with the past; I’m slowly learning to get past it, to stop 🛑 running away, and trusting people that take care of me.
3. My hand 🤚 and how it hurts to write. As it’s my dominant hand ✋ and I don’t know how too write with my left. I haven’t been able to focus on my free courses.
4. I’m owing money to bill collectors for AT&T UVerse which I don’t have and for UTA outstanding loans amounting In $3,500 and FAFSA Loans amounting in $20,000. I don’t think 💭 I’ll be able to go back to school and finish my Senior year.
5. My relationship life; with people and stuff. Especially spiritually, I feel people are overstepping their boundaries.
It’s important that you give all your worrying and needs over to God. I’m learning to be an individual and more of myself as a princess 👑 of God everyday. It’s also a hard political times; as we watch our country struggle. There’s rumors about a fourth stimulus package 📦 but that’s all in the air.
Just Be Patient with yourself and those you love 💕. Be kind in the process but
As the weather start’s to change, I started my job working at Heritage Daycare Center. We started about 1PM; sorting invoices, receipts, and mail that my manager had. I woke up at 4AM; my roommate made coffee, and we’ve been watching tv. I’m studying, and drinking coffee and we’ve had a few cigarettes. I’m currently taking a course on Coursera.org about Managing Emotions in Times of Uncertaintyand Stress. We’re also watching Joyce Myer’s talking about relationships.
Emotional Stability to me means; being held accountable, working through trials and differences, and changing into a better person. I see my Psychiatrist today through a meeting with my case manager this week and a video conference. My roommate noticed I have been feeling insecure and depressed recently and I haven’t been my cheerful self. I talked to My Dad yesterday and lately we’ve been talking about health.
As humans we experience an array of different emotions. For example starting my job helped me feel more relaxed and needed and happy. Though when I think of my social life I get lonely, hard on myself, and regretted with guilt. Honoring these emotions can be empowering and can lead to positive action.
I haven’t always been at my best; but during the dark times God has gotten me through it. I just went outside to go smoke and finished a third cup of coffee. As I was finishing a couple of my housemates came outside. Today we’re going to Heritage; soon I’ll be able to work in the office. As long as I don’t let cigarettes or excuses get in the way. We have to stick to our assigned smoking times.
“On a good day, enjoy yourself; on a bad day, examine your conscience. God arranges for both kinds of days. So that we won’t take anything for granted.:
Ecclesiastes 7 : 14
In the book of Ecclesiastes chapter 8; reading from The Message. The author talks about Not taking anything for granted. How building a good reputation is important and not investing in hurt and grieving. I know it’s been a rough Co-Vid 19 crisis and I just got tested. I am planning on getting my shot soon. Also I have my injection tomorrow.
I have notebooks I like writing in. Especially “The Serenity Prayer” journal my parents bought me for My Birthday. Yesterday was my roommates 34th Birthday. Though I need to call the wound specialist and set an appointment to have my hand looked at. It still hurts; but hopefully everything will work out and it’ll be able to get fixed. I use my right hand to write and don’t know if that’s a good idea; even though I love writing. This lesson has taught me not to journey off by myself. Especially not during a winter storm.
“After looking at the way things are on this earth 🌎, here’s what I’ve decided is the best way to live: Take care of yourself, have a good time, and make the most of whatever job you have for as long as God gives you life. And that’s about it. That’s the human lot.”
Ecclesiastes 5: 19 – 23
I spoiled my self today and bought a Pumpkin Spice Frappuccino at Starbucks for $6; I’m trying to find other things that give me peace besides smoking cigarettes. My case manager picked me up from Heritage and we went to a cool discount store, 5 and below, The Spirit of Halloween, and Target. I didn’t buy anything else but seriously I’m trying to cut back on cigarettes.
One way we can make the most of life; is to plan accordingly and always be prepared. My hand is still pretty messed up on the right. I have been taking my antibiotic and my Dr. gave me some iodine but I only have one left.
We can choose to become a prisoner of our own minds and breaking out of the habit of beating yourself up can be hard. Though it is one thing I have been working on. I have enrolled in two courses on coursera.org to change this kind of thinking behavior.
The Author of Ecclesiastes states that everything he did or was doing would amount to nothing but smoke. Don’t get me wrong but; that seems to be the highlight of my housemates and me, is smoking throughout the day. I would like to cut back on my smoking. I spend a lot of money on smoking; and it’s my goal to quit buying cigarettes. In the last month I’ve probably spent $75 on cigarettes.
” And I hated everything. I’d accomplished and accumulated on this earth. I can’t take it with me – no. I have to leave it to whoever comes after me. Whether their worthy or worthless – and who’s to tell? – they’ll take over the earthly results of my intense thinking and hard work. Smoke.”
Ecclesiastes 2 : 18 – 19
I only make $150 a month and am currently looking for more income. Though to do that I’ll have to be healthy and more proficient with my time. I however, unlike this author of Ecclesiastes. Don’t feel my life has amounted to nothing. I feel God has really blessed me; but I haven’t been a good steward of the gifts and abilities that He has given to me. I have had very tough times in my life where I have completely destroyed my health.
” But in the end, does it really make a difference what anyone does? I’ve had a good look at what God has given us to do – busywork, mostly. True, God made everything beautiful in itself and in it’s time – but he’s left us in the dark, so we can never know what God is up to, whether he is coming or going. I’ve decided that there’s nothing better to do than go ahead and have a good time and get the most we can out of life. That’s it – eat, drink, and make the most of your job. It’s God’s Gift!”
Ecclesiastes 3 : 9 – 13
haven’t used since my Birthday; and since my Birthday I have been doing much better. I have so much to be grateful for and I want to do better each day that God gives me. I am learning to better use my time. As my manager at Heritage recently offered me a position in the office.