Telling The Truth

I haven’t always been at my best; but during the dark times God has gotten me through it. I just went outside to go smoke and finished a third cup of coffee. As I was finishing a couple of my housemates came outside. Today we’re going to Heritage; soon I’ll be able to work in the office. As long as I don’t let cigarettes or excuses get in the way. We have to stick to our assigned smoking times.

“On a good day, enjoy yourself; on a bad day, examine your conscience. God arranges for both kinds of days. So that we won’t take anything for granted.:

Ecclesiastes 7 : 14

In the book of Ecclesiastes chapter 8; reading from The Message. The author talks about Not taking anything for granted. How building a good reputation is important and not investing in hurt and grieving. I know it’s been a rough Co-Vid 19 crisis and I just got tested. I am planning on getting my shot soon. Also I have my injection tomorrow.

I have notebooks I like writing in. Especially “The Serenity Prayer” journal my parents bought me for My Birthday. Yesterday was my roommates 34th Birthday. Though I need to call the wound specialist and set an appointment to have my hand looked at. It still hurts; but hopefully everything will work out and it’ll be able to get fixed. I use my right hand to write and don’t know if that’s a good idea; even though I love writing. This lesson has taught me not to journey off by myself. Especially not during a winter storm.

Time With My Son

When I FaceTime’d My family yesterday my 7 year old wanted to see me. I was excited since I haven’t gotten to see him in a long time.

First we went to 711; and Dad handed me $25. My little boy got recess pieces and a medium slur-pie… I got a pack of Teal American Spirits & a medium slur-pie. At the house we went swimming and tried to get the printer 🖨 to print some bookmarks. Then we had Wendy’s for dinner.

Heat Waves & Hospital Stays

Its 6PM & I got home from the hospital at 3PM; our weather is getting hot 🥵! My group home MGR received my discharge paper work & gave me my five cigarettes. I have been in the “Mesa Springs” 🏥 since the 25th.

I was surprised that My True Mental Health Personnel was taking me to the 🏥 on Friday. I just got informed that we needed to stop 🛑 services with True Mental.

Each day during inpatient rehab we had about five group sessions lead by the Therapist and Nurses. We learned how to communicate better and there were about 9 people in my group in the “Willows Division”! For the most part I drank a lot of coffee and sodas in my new Tumblr and for the last three days I had no cigarettes to smoke 💨.

I’m happy to say I’m home 🏠; I also called & FaceTime with my Dad & he sent me $50 on my Venmo account. I got into the MHMR vehicle and met my new case manager and before he dropped me off at the house he helped me by taking me to the Shell 🐚 and I spent $12 on a pack of American Spirits 🚬🪛 Military Green & a green lighter.

Raining Dreams

Good Morning; it’s raining 🌧 and storming out here in Texas. Just ate breakfast; of grits and sausage & had a cup of coffee. Yesterday; I went to Bethel Church and had a decent day of sleep.

I try to have a good attitude most of the time; and the weight of the world 🌎 can not sit on one’s individual shoulders. You only give into evil if that’s your choice; after all there was created both evil & good in this world.

You are However; responsible for the maturity and growth you pertain as an individual. That’s what success is measured by… I’m learning that it’s not by simply getting along with everyone but to live in harmony through the good times and the bad.

It’s supposed to be raining for several days; and here in Texas we can always use the rain ☔️. Things aren’t always up to us. I have never known all the reasons or answers; but I do what I can to survive in this life. Praying each day to God; for the rest of eternity.

Doodling & Patiently Waiting To Do Laundry

Today is laundry day; before I moved out of my parents house; I remember days when I would stand in front of my mothers washer and dryer and do loads of laundry. I had a good life back then with my parents & lately I’m emotionally missing them; thinking of all the ways I had been disrespectful to them & myself in my 20’s up till recently. It’s been 2 months (Since I got back from H.E.B. Mental Hospital in Denton) & 2 weeks since I’ve gotten back from JPS & I’ve been doing better each day.

Waiting patiently is really what matters. I know now that all the times I’ve left with a bad attitude to do something destructive about 5 to 7 times; was the wrong choice. I am thankful that SSDI & my parents; help me every month to pay my rent of $675 & Dad sends $50 through Venmo every Friday.

Holding on to what you have & not getting involved in other people’s business; while at the same time being helpful & kind; is something that has become more important to me. I am wanting to become dedicated to the “Long Term Help” I have & am receiving each day.

Being Responsible

I went to 711 and bought the new kind of American Spirits called “Sky” and a large cup of coffee. I am too be responsible with the $50; that my Dad puts into my Venmo once a week. So far I have spent $10 at 711.

My Life Values Include; Authenticity, Accountability, Balance, Belonging, Career, Caring, Commitment, Cooperation, Creativity, Forgiveness, Friendship, Health, Grace, Growth, Health, Knowledge, Home, Reliability, Honesty, Resourcefulness, Help, Respect, Responsibility, Safety, Spirituality, and Teamwork.

  • For Authenticity I should stop being so Codependent & work on the best I can possibly be. Stop being so mean to myself & start doing the right things for myself & my family.
  • For Accountability; I owe it to my care givers to do the best I can everyday. Meanwhile; making the right choices and decisions that will benefit all of us.
  • For Responsibility I need to do what is asked of me the first time I am told. I am to stay at the Group Home & not wander off. Letting authority figures know where I am at all times & keep up with my stuff.

My Responsibilities Include; My Words, My Behavior, My Actions, My Efforts, My Mistakes, My Ideas, & The Consequents of my actions.

I’m having trouble with my WordPress at the moment. Certain things for WordPress aren’t working on my laptop.

My WordPress is not letting me update post on my laptop. I can only edit my blog through my iPhone 11.

My New Shoes

I’ve been wanting to work on my self-compassion; and doing good and being productive is better than doing nothing but smoking cigarettes and complaining about the odds and ends of life, I know it’s harder out there than the comfortable life I live here. I want my new shoes to lead me the way to doing only what’s right and sticking to faithfulness with my friends here and family. They are important to me and in the past a few times I have showed the opposite of faithfulness. Now’s the time to turn over a new leaf; and turn to a more Christian perspective of keeping myself, my people, and my things safe.

Yesterday I got a chance to FaceTime my little guy. He says he didn’t like his last gift I got him. Life is more important than stuff. I mean stuff is important and one thing I have learned is we are to be of good stewards of everything the Lord has put into our lives. In a second God could take everything away from us. We are not mind readers but we are too be aiming to do the best we can for ourselves when trials come.

My Case Manager met me at the Center; and we went to Citi-Trends. Where I bought a new pair of Light Pink FILS. I want to see these shoes do good and not lead me anywhere I’m not supposed to go. Too slow down in life and realize that everything isn’t a race. To learn from all the wise sayings My Parents, and God, and Role Models have told me. There’s a lot of things we can learn if we take the time.

I want to learn how to take better care of myself; I’m getting my hand looked at soon. Instead of focusing on my flaws and weaknesses; I can use this time to heal and learn to love myself and do good for myself which will help other aspects of my life; for example the relationship with my family, & maybe education & career after commitment issues are dealt with.

Back To The Roots

“Gutten Morgan!”; That’s German for Good Morning! In July I celebrated my 33rd Birthday with my parents at a German restraunt; and we ate a lot of good food.

That was 7 months ago; I was born in Frankfurt – Germany. A lot has happened since then but I love remembering the good times that me and my family share. My Dad is a disabled Veteran in the Army and served in Afghanistan, Iraq, and Bosnia. My whole family line on my Dad’s side served in the Military and we have a strong background dating back to the Civil War times. Although; he and his twin brother were adopted from Taiwan.

My mother told me yesterday that her side could be described as Native American. I find it interesting about the history of my ancestors now that I am getting older. I use to not give a crap and ran away often to stop my depression and anxiety. I am glad to say I have started this year on a better step and ready to face the challenges that come instead of running away. Currently listening to Ted Talks; and learning things that attain to me right now.

I would be interested in learning more about these cultures and have taken Humanities at Texas Wesleyan as well as Productions; I took these college courses in 2016. This week I want to focus on having a good morning routine and I am going to start calling the counselors that me and my case manager for MHMR found last Friday. Learning is more important than money in my opinion since it can never be erased.

2021 Goals For The New Year

  1. Start JF-Designs
  2. Start Blogging and eventually start blogging for profit
  3. Stay in the group home and not wander off. Also learn how to become more independent and self reliant.
  4. Staying closer to God and the Christian community.
  5. Draw and Write more often.
  6. Start Doing Yoga; started and completed a video today that was a 20 minute yoga starter video on Youtube.
  7. Stay off drugs and the streets.
  8. Take my meds & use my heart rate
  9. Read 5 to 10 Pinterest articles a day to learn more information to use and write about.
  10. Read 18 books; my first book of the year is “The Explosive Child” By Ph. D. Ross W. Greene.
  11. Make Self-Care a priority in life and set a good routine for the day.
  12. Eliminate bad habits one by one.
  13. Keep my room nice and neat and use Hygge.
  14. Put half of my money in savings account and half of my money I can use throughout the month.
  15. Have a greater sense of Family and community.

Working On My About Me Page Today & Social Media:

I need to be careful what I share with the online world. As I am Bipolar and Manic Depressive. I was born in Germany to a great mother and father who have done their best to help me throughout my life. I currently live in a group home. We just had breakfast; of eggs and sausage and toast. I enjoy creativity and learning and experiencing all life has to offer.

I get hard on myself and need to take things more slowly in life and learn to listen to God and follow my heart to make the right decisions. I have faced times of doubt and have had relapses with drugs and hanging with the wrong crowd. I graduated high school in 2015 from DeRidder High School in Lousiana.