This morning after I had woken up at 6AM; and we had coffee and a few cigarettes as a group. My Dad came to pick me up with the little one, who says he’s always appreciative. We went to Skillet & Dinner for breakfast. It was a nice treat and I had waffles and sausage. We did science experiments and listened to Kidz Bop and watched a cartoon. Then Dad and I went to McDonald’s and then went to Supercuts to get haircuts.
Love is patient, love is kind, love doesn’t envy, it doesn’t boast, it holds no record of wrong. 1 Corinthians 13
The definition of resilience means being able to get back up after you have failed in someway. That’s one reason I love myself. After I have messed up I eventually come back to my senses and recognize what was wrong.
I have a good personality especially on my good days. I now have come to a point where I am not fighting with life and am actually going to God and people that are here to help me.
I have inner ambition and am happier when I am at my best instead of being depressed and upset.
It’s a new month and I’m thankful for all God has done in my life. We’re about to eat dinner and I’m thinking of the things I want to do this month. I’m getting dentures in a few weeks and I’m excited about having new teeth. God has really done a lot for me and I am looking forward to the future. Instead of beating myself up about the past. I want to do what is right and pleasing in the eyes of the Lord. One of the main and best ways I can do that is by doing what my parents and our house manager has/have/had ask me. That I stay at “The Group Home” and do my chores…
Instead of seeking adventure now that I’m 34…
I see the error of my ways and all the trouble I could have saved myself. I should have kept myself away from heartache and now I’m looking forward to just relaxing and going with the flow of life here and depending on God.
I just got out of “Mesa Springs” Hospital 🏥 I’ve been in the hospital almost 20 days this month. I got out at 9:45AM & my MHMR case manager picked me up. The food 🍱 was great and the stay comfortable. I am at “Heritage Day Care Center!” Where I’ve been since I got dropped off.
They put me on some new medicine and I have started to feel better although I have a pretty bad cough. The discharge papers are in an orange 🍊 folder and ready for the manager of Cave Care to view. Hopefully I can see that I can move into the new house on Meadow-brook.
I am planning on going to outpatient therapy and doing the best I can.
Its 6PM & I got home from the hospital at 3PM; our weather is getting hot 🥵! My group home MGR received my discharge paper work & gave me my five cigarettes. I have been in the “Mesa Springs” 🏥 since the 25th.
I was surprised that My True Mental Health Personnel was taking me to the 🏥 on Friday. I just got informed that we needed to stop 🛑 services with True Mental.
Each day during inpatient rehab we had about five group sessions lead by the Therapist and Nurses. We learned how to communicate better and there were about 9 people in my group in the “Willows Division”! For the most part I drank a lot of coffee and sodas in my new Tumblr and for the last three days I had no cigarettes to smoke 💨.
I’m happy to say I’m home 🏠; I also called & FaceTime with my Dad & he sent me $50 on my Venmo account. I got into the MHMR vehicle and met my new case manager and before he dropped me off at the house he helped me by taking me to the Shell 🐚 and I spent $12 on a pack of American Spirits 🚬🪛 Military Green & a green lighter.
I saw on the news; that they are giving 👮♀️ tickets to people that are camping without a camping 🏕 license a $500! I’ve been to group and individual camps… 17 times!!! In the past; visiting friends & family. I miss … Youth Church Camping! My son is taking summer school instead of camps this year; but he recently got kicked out for hitting his teacher.
Ever since I was a little girl “My Family” has been very outdoorsy! I’m a country girl by heart 💜 I’m also into anything strange and different. My Dad took me to “The BassMaster Classic” & I’ve lived good and gotten to go fishing with my Father over 15,000 times! I grew up a Daddy’s Girl! We traveled a lot when I was little following my Grandfather and Grandmother!
I also had a bad attitude on some days & was normally lazy on other days. Then productive on some days with mixtures of fun 🤩 included. I first went camping when I was 14 1/2 with a group and the main king was ❤️ John! Johnny Boy … See you on the other side of the train 🚂!
First when I was 15; it was me & my roommate at McNeese Boulevard. I was impacted by Hurricane Katrina and received a FEMA / FAFSA ✅🦣 I enjoyed my dorm and at that time … I was “Slightly Stooped” on a “Cheap Trick” because I was so young, naive, stubborn, and pride always comes before the fall.
When I returned back where I went to school in DeRidder; then I started working at “Golden Corral” selling okra and carrots 🥕 I was considered a “Porch Money” & I have spent 32,000 hours outside as a “Cherokee with a Chief” & With A “Officer In Command”!
The list of names is wrong in my opinion; although there’s things I’m currently doing to increase the good and fortune 🔮 things of my future… In America 🇺🇸 Things have been very uncertain & I hope that everyone received some good financial strength as of lately.
Biden; please guide this country by the Wisdom reached at a communal Christian fellowship. I did really well at TCC in AP Government & I would love ❤️ to watch the new “Purge” Movie 🎥 📲 !!!
So I took a step back … it’s like I’ll move 1 step forward and 2 steps back & two steps forward and one step back. I danced up a storm today & totally it’s been worth it seeing & remembering a face of the past.
Be Safe; on your next camping trip <&?!>
1. Choose your friends closely; remember your always responsible for how messed up you get! If you can’t handle your drink or your smoke… step aside & find a quiet way to chill.
2. Keep up with your personal belongings; no one in “Adult World” is going too; although friends are there to help at times we can and cannot be trusted.
3. Leave the bullshit before going into the social area; this applies first to work, then to learning educationally, then at romantically engaging in activities. 💕 Miss xoxo Suicide Girls!!!
It’s 3:10 & that about wraps up this $10 peace ☮️ offering & me & my buddy still out straight white girl chillin! I’ve got a case manager coming at 8AM!!
I woke up at 8AM this morning; and my case manager picked me up at 10AM to go to the PCP. I have had a good but hard day; for one my WordPress is working on my laptop and I just took a shower and washed my long black hair. My care giver has been wanting me to take a shower everyday and start taking better care of myself since we have moved into this house. The PCP said my hand has gotten better and she was shocked at the improvement. I wrote about in a previous post that I had gotten frost bite in February when I walked out of the Group Home and it started snowing. I finally returned on March 12th and I’ve been sober for three months now. I go back to see my PCP on the 17th; and it’s important that I keep all my appointments.
I Was Diagnosed At 11: As Bipolar after going into Nicoma at my Grandmother’s kitchen table and I feel asleep for two weeks in the hospital. As I got older I’ve been diagnosed as Bipolar Skitzophrenic, Border Line Personality Disorder, and Manic Depressive. I am on a good bit of psych-meds and am being seen by the MHMR team here in Fort Worth. I just took my medicine given to me by my care giver.
Family Values: I need to get right with myself; before I can get right with my family.
I’m not planning on calling my family everyday but earlier I couldn’t help it; and sent Dad a Text. Worrying about how they are doing; does no good. Right now it’s best just to give them space like they have asked for. My parents are adopting the little boy I gave birth to who just turned 7 on December 28th; and we don’t have a good relationship last time I called he said he hated me. Though in the past this has left me wanting to run away; which I have five times. God; I put this into your hands and go to God in guidance to separate me from this vicious cycle. Dad had asked me earlier this week to reach to my ex who left when I was 7 months pregnant and just added me on my old Facebook for his address and phone number to get him to sign the adoption papers. Though; he never sent them and Dad said I ran him off.
I still love my family; although I am the black sheep in the family after doing several things wrong; and the last time I have seen them is on Mother’s Day a couple of weeks ago. “I may not have been the best daughter, mother, girlfriend, or friend; but I was always myself and tried to do what I could. I release all of these broken bridges to God and let it rest until it improves!”
How I Can Start Taking Better Care Of Myself
- Focus on myself and my relationship with God; before focusing on myself around others. To be in good relationships you have to be taking the best care of yourself.
- I need to set a dental appointment and try to get dentures.
- I need to set an OBGYN appointment.
- I need to take a shower everyday; and wash my face in the mornings,
- I need to take my heart rate everyday,
I know that’s not the right answer now and staying in The Group Home is in my best interest.
We eat really
“Gutten Morgan!”; That’s German for Good Morning! In July I celebrated my 33rd Birthday with my parents at a German restraunt; and we ate a lot of good food.
That was 7 months ago; I was born in Frankfurt – Germany. A lot has happened since then but I love remembering the good times that me and my family share. My Dad is a disabled Veteran in the Army and served in Afghanistan, Iraq, and Bosnia. My whole family line on my Dad’s side served in the Military and we have a strong background dating back to the Civil War times. Although; he and his twin brother were adopted from Taiwan.
My mother told me yesterday that her side could be described as Native American. I find it interesting about the history of my ancestors now that I am getting older. I use to not give a crap and ran away often to stop my depression and anxiety. I am glad to say I have started this year on a better step and ready to face the challenges that come instead of running away. Currently listening to Ted Talks; and learning things that attain to me right now.
I would be interested in learning more about these cultures and have taken Humanities at Texas Wesleyan as well as Productions; I took these college courses in 2016. This week I want to focus on having a good morning routine and I am going to start calling the counselors that me and my case manager for MHMR found last Friday. Learning is more important than money in my opinion since it can never be erased.
2021 Goals For The New Year
- Start JF-Designs
- Start Blogging and eventually start blogging for profit
- Stay in the group home and not wander off. Also learn how to become more independent and self reliant.
- Staying closer to God and the Christian community.
- Draw and Write more often.
- Start Doing Yoga; started and completed a video today that was a 20 minute yoga starter video on Youtube.
- Stay off drugs and the streets.
- Take my meds & use my heart rate
- Read 5 to 10 Pinterest articles a day to learn more information to use and write about.
- Read 18 books; my first book of the year is “The Explosive Child” By Ph. D. Ross W. Greene.
- Make Self-Care a priority in life and set a good routine for the day.
- Eliminate bad habits one by one.
- Keep my room nice and neat and use Hygge.
- Put half of my money in savings account and half of my money I can use throughout the month.
- Have a greater sense of Family and community.
Working On My About Me Page Today & Social Media:
I need to be careful what I share with the online world. As I am Bipolar and Manic Depressive. I was born in Germany to a great mother and father who have done their best to help me throughout my life. I currently live in a group home. We just had breakfast; of eggs and sausage and toast. I enjoy creativity and learning and experiencing all life has to offer.
I get hard on myself and need to take things more slowly in life and learn to listen to God and follow my heart to make the right decisions. I have faced times of doubt and have had relapses with drugs and hanging with the wrong crowd. I graduated high school in 2015 from DeRidder High School in Lousiana.