Dealing With Depression

As humans we are always searching for something. Though one thing I have dealt with lately is to not become CoDependent. I’m charging my iPhone and sometimes I get irritated that the battery is low. I’m also enjoying my vaporizer and have had about two cups of coffee.

My Blanket from Target $10 and My Halloween Pumpkin 🎃 Pillow From Mission Arlington.

I bought some craft supplies to paint and make pumpkins 🎃 yesterday as Fall is finally here. I’ve been to “The Spirit of Halloween” twice and am thinking about what I want to be for Halloween! I don’t want to spend more than $25 on a costume but I was thinking about being Hello Kitty. Though I haven’t seen one costume that is Hello Kitty; so maybe just a cat. Though I’ll have to wait till it comes closer to time because I’m not getting paid till next Friday.

Things that have been going good though except for battling with my depression. Things causing me depression include:

1. My family; my son has been in a bad mood and I feel we don’t spend enough time together as a family.

2. Dealing with the past; I’m slowly learning to get past it, to stop 🛑 running away, and trusting people that take care of me.

3. My hand 🤚 and how it hurts to write. As it’s my dominant hand ✋ and I don’t know how too write with my left. I haven’t been able to focus on my free courses.

4. I’m owing money to bill collectors for AT&T UVerse which I don’t have and for UTA outstanding loans amounting In $3,500 and FAFSA Loans amounting in $20,000. I don’t think 💭 I’ll be able to go back to school and finish my Senior year.

5. My relationship life; with people and stuff. Especially spiritually, I feel people are overstepping their boundaries.

It’s important that you give all your worrying and needs over to God. I’m learning to be an individual and more of myself as a princess 👑 of God everyday. It’s also a hard political times; as we watch our country struggle. There’s rumors about a fourth stimulus package 📦 but that’s all in the air.

Just Be Patient with yourself and those you love 💕. Be kind in the process but

Fall’s Here & Starting To Learn Emotional Stability

As the weather start’s to change, I started my job working at Heritage Daycare Center. We started about 1PM; sorting invoices, receipts, and mail that my manager had. I woke up at 4AM; my roommate made coffee, and we’ve been watching tv. I’m studying, and drinking coffee and we’ve had a few cigarettes. I’m currently taking a course on Coursera.org about Managing Emotions in Times of Uncertainty and Stress. We’re also watching Joyce Myer’s talking about relationships.

Emotional Stability to me means; being held accountable, working through trials and differences, and changing into a better person. I see my Psychiatrist today through a meeting with my case manager this week and a video conference. My roommate noticed I have been feeling insecure and depressed recently and I haven’t been my cheerful self. I talked to My Dad yesterday and lately we’ve been talking about health.

As humans we experience an array of different emotions. For example starting my job helped me feel more relaxed and needed and happy. Though when I think of my social life I get lonely, hard on myself, and regretted with guilt. Honoring these emotions can be empowering and can lead to positive action.

Telling The Truth

I haven’t always been at my best; but during the dark times God has gotten me through it. I just went outside to go smoke and finished a third cup of coffee. As I was finishing a couple of my housemates came outside. Today we’re going to Heritage; soon I’ll be able to work in the office. As long as I don’t let cigarettes or excuses get in the way. We have to stick to our assigned smoking times.

“On a good day, enjoy yourself; on a bad day, examine your conscience. God arranges for both kinds of days. So that we won’t take anything for granted.:

Ecclesiastes 7 : 14

In the book of Ecclesiastes chapter 8; reading from The Message. The author talks about Not taking anything for granted. How building a good reputation is important and not investing in hurt and grieving. I know it’s been a rough Co-Vid 19 crisis and I just got tested. I am planning on getting my shot soon. Also I have my injection tomorrow.

I have notebooks I like writing in. Especially “The Serenity Prayer” journal my parents bought me for My Birthday. Yesterday was my roommates 34th Birthday. Though I need to call the wound specialist and set an appointment to have my hand looked at. It still hurts; but hopefully everything will work out and it’ll be able to get fixed. I use my right hand to write and don’t know if that’s a good idea; even though I love writing. This lesson has taught me not to journey off by myself. Especially not during a winter storm.

Making The Most Of It

Making The Most Of What God Gives

“After looking at the way things are on this earth 🌎, here’s what I’ve decided is the best way to live: Take care of yourself, have a good time, and make the most of whatever job you have for as long as God gives you life. And that’s about it. That’s the human lot.”

Ecclesiastes 5: 19 – 23

I spoiled my self today and bought a Pumpkin Spice Frappuccino at Starbucks for $6; I’m trying to find other things that give me peace besides smoking cigarettes. My case manager picked me up from Heritage and we went to a cool discount store, 5 and below, The Spirit of Halloween, and Target. I didn’t buy anything else but seriously I’m trying to cut back on cigarettes.

One way we can make the most of life; is to plan accordingly and always be prepared. My hand is still pretty messed up on the right. I have been taking my antibiotic and my Dr. gave me some iodine but I only have one left.

Ecclesiastes 1 – 3

We can choose to become a prisoner of our own minds and breaking out of the habit of beating yourself up can be hard. Though it is one thing I have been working on. I have enrolled in two courses on coursera.org to change this kind of thinking behavior.

The Author of Ecclesiastes states that everything he did or was doing would amount to nothing but smoke. Don’t get me wrong but; that seems to be the highlight of my housemates and me, is smoking throughout the day. I would like to cut back on my smoking. I spend a lot of money on smoking; and it’s my goal to quit buying cigarettes. In the last month I’ve probably spent $75 on cigarettes.

” And I hated everything. I’d accomplished and accumulated on this earth. I can’t take it with me – no. I have to leave it to whoever comes after me. Whether their worthy or worthless – and who’s to tell? – they’ll take over the earthly results of my intense thinking and hard work. Smoke.”

Ecclesiastes 2 : 18 – 19

I only make $150 a month and am currently looking for more income. Though to do that I’ll have to be healthy and more proficient with my time. I however, unlike this author of Ecclesiastes. Don’t feel my life has amounted to nothing. I feel God has really blessed me; but I haven’t been a good steward of the gifts and abilities that He has given to me. I have had very tough times in my life where I have completely destroyed my health.

” But in the end, does it really make a difference what anyone does? I’ve had a good look at what God has given us to do – busywork, mostly. True, God made everything beautiful in itself and in it’s time – but he’s left us in the dark, so we can never know what God is up to, whether he is coming or going. I’ve decided that there’s nothing better to do than go ahead and have a good time and get the most we can out of life. That’s it – eat, drink, and make the most of your job. It’s God’s Gift!”

Ecclesiastes 3 : 9 – 13

I

haven’t used since my Birthday; and since my Birthday I have been doing much better. I have so much to be grateful for and I want to do better each day that God gives me. I am learning to better use my time. As my manager at Heritage recently offered me a position in the office.

Family Day

This morning after I had woken up at 6AM; and we had coffee and a few cigarettes as a group. My Dad came to pick me up with the little one, who says he’s always appreciative. We went to Skillet & Dinner for breakfast. It was a nice treat and I had waffles and sausage. We did science experiments and listened to Kidz Bop and watched a cartoon. Then Dad and I went to McDonald’s and then went to Supercuts to get haircuts.

Reasons To Love

Love is patient, love is kind, love doesn’t envy, it doesn’t boast, it holds no record of wrong. 1 Corinthians 13

The definition of resilience means being able to get back up after you have failed in someway. That’s one reason I love myself. After I have messed up I eventually come back to my senses and recognize what was wrong.

I have a good personality especially on my good days. I now have come to a point where I am not fighting with life and am actually going to God and people that are here to help me.

I have inner ambition and am happier when I am at my best instead of being depressed and upset.

New Month Of August

It’s a new month and I’m thankful for all God has done in my life. We’re about to eat dinner and I’m thinking of the things I want to do this month. I’m getting dentures in a few weeks and I’m excited about having new teeth. God has really done a lot for me and I am looking forward to the future. Instead of beating myself up about the past. I want to do what is right and pleasing in the eyes of the Lord. One of the main and best ways I can do that is by doing what my parents and our house manager has/have/had ask me. That I stay at “The Group Home” and do my chores…

Instead of seeking adventure now that I’m 34…

I see the error of my ways and all the trouble I could have saved myself. I should have kept myself away from heartache and now I’m looking forward to just relaxing and going with the flow of life here and depending on God.

My Stay At The Hospital

I just got out of “Mesa Springs” Hospital 🏥 I’ve been in the hospital almost 20 days this month. I got out at 9:45AM & my MHMR case manager picked me up. The food 🍱 was great and the stay comfortable. I am at “Heritage Day Care Center!” Where I’ve been since I got dropped off.

They put me on some new medicine and I have started to feel better although I have a pretty bad cough. The discharge papers are in an orange 🍊 folder and ready for the manager of Cave Care to view. Hopefully I can see that I can move into the new house on Meadow-brook.

I am planning on going to outpatient therapy and doing the best I can.

Heat Waves & Hospital Stays

Its 6PM & I got home from the hospital at 3PM; our weather is getting hot 🥵! My group home MGR received my discharge paper work & gave me my five cigarettes. I have been in the “Mesa Springs” 🏥 since the 25th.

I was surprised that My True Mental Health Personnel was taking me to the 🏥 on Friday. I just got informed that we needed to stop 🛑 services with True Mental.

Each day during inpatient rehab we had about five group sessions lead by the Therapist and Nurses. We learned how to communicate better and there were about 9 people in my group in the “Willows Division”! For the most part I drank a lot of coffee and sodas in my new Tumblr and for the last three days I had no cigarettes to smoke 💨.

I’m happy to say I’m home 🏠; I also called & FaceTime with my Dad & he sent me $50 on my Venmo account. I got into the MHMR vehicle and met my new case manager and before he dropped me off at the house he helped me by taking me to the Shell 🐚 and I spent $12 on a pack of American Spirits 🚬🪛 Military Green & a green lighter.