I’m slowly going to get my hand ✋ back to where it stops hurting. I went to Wound Evolution yesterday and they told me that their going to have to cut the tips of my middle & ring 💍 fingers off on the right side.
I moved into another room last night and am still needing to get my stuff and move it. So; I have a new roommate.
As humans we are always searching for something. Though one thing I have dealt with lately is to not become CoDependent. I’m charging my iPhone and sometimes I get irritated that the battery is low. I’m also enjoying my vaporizer and have had about two cups of coffee.
I bought some craft supplies to paint and make pumpkins 🎃 yesterday as Fall is finally here. I’ve been to “The Spirit of Halloween” twice and am thinking about what I want to be for Halloween! I don’t want to spend more than $25 on a costume but I was thinking about being Hello Kitty. Though I haven’t seen one costume that is Hello Kitty; so maybe just a cat. Though I’ll have to wait till it comes closer to time because I’m not getting paid till next Friday.
Things that have been going good though except for battling with my depression. Things causing me depression include:
1. My family; my son has been in a bad mood and I feel we don’t spend enough time together as a family.
2. Dealing with the past; I’m slowly learning to get past it, to stop 🛑 running away, and trusting people that take care of me.
3. My hand 🤚 and how it hurts to write. As it’s my dominant hand ✋ and I don’t know how too write with my left. I haven’t been able to focus on my free courses.
4. I’m owing money to bill collectors for AT&T UVerse which I don’t have and for UTA outstanding loans amounting In $3,500 and FAFSA Loans amounting in $20,000. I don’t think 💭 I’ll be able to go back to school and finish my Senior year.
5. My relationship life; with people and stuff. Especially spiritually, I feel people are overstepping their boundaries.
It’s important that you give all your worrying and needs over to God. I’m learning to be an individual and more of myself as a princess 👑 of God everyday. It’s also a hard political times; as we watch our country struggle. There’s rumors about a fourth stimulus package 📦 but that’s all in the air.
Just Be Patient with yourself and those you love 💕. Be kind in the process but
As the weather start’s to change, I started my job working at Heritage Daycare Center. We started about 1PM; sorting invoices, receipts, and mail that my manager had. I woke up at 4AM; my roommate made coffee, and we’ve been watching tv. I’m studying, and drinking coffee and we’ve had a few cigarettes. I’m currently taking a course on Coursera.org about Managing Emotions in Times of Uncertaintyand Stress. We’re also watching Joyce Myer’s talking about relationships.
Emotional Stability to me means; being held accountable, working through trials and differences, and changing into a better person. I see my Psychiatrist today through a meeting with my case manager this week and a video conference. My roommate noticed I have been feeling insecure and depressed recently and I haven’t been my cheerful self. I talked to My Dad yesterday and lately we’ve been talking about health.
As humans we experience an array of different emotions. For example starting my job helped me feel more relaxed and needed and happy. Though when I think of my social life I get lonely, hard on myself, and regretted with guilt. Honoring these emotions can be empowering and can lead to positive action.
This morning after I had woken up at 6AM; and we had coffee and a few cigarettes as a group. My Dad came to pick me up with the little one, who says he’s always appreciative. We went to Skillet & Dinner for breakfast. It was a nice treat and I had waffles and sausage. We did science experiments and listened to Kidz Bop and watched a cartoon. Then Dad and I went to McDonald’s and then went to Supercuts to get haircuts.
Woke up this morning at 6AM; went to bed early. I know that It’s a new month and fall is here. Waiting for the heat to turn to a cooler breeze. My Dad paid my rent and I’m home and safe. I’m listening to some motivational videos.
I love to learn new things and I’m all caught up on my homework for my courses from coursera.org and am wondering through the course catalog searching for more that I may be interested in. I have an extensive Pinterest Board List and want to start making some money by blogging, although blogging for profit has never really turned out good for me.
My little one got in trouble yesterday for hitting a kid at school. I know times can be tough; and insecurities run deep. I’m learning how to deal with people nicely and respectfully also. We have to learn, and sometimes it’s the hard way, that we can’t always do what we want without consequences.
I still haven’t finished my book “Captivated” by Staci and John Townsend; I’ll read another chapter today. I read Proverbs 20 – 21; this morning and I am so happy we have God’s word to abide by.
Woke up at 6:15AM; We had a rough night here at the group home. A new lady kept coming into me and my roommates room turning my lamp on and asking to use the phone at 11:45AM. Another new guy just left with a bad attitude; and he took my backpack that I lent to one of the guys here.
I just mentioned to my Home Manager that I had been blogging and she said she was proud of me. In my Instagram photos you can see the pictures of my fingers and the other day my Case Manager took me to JPS to get my hand looked at. They took x-rays and i gave blood although the Doctor said nothing was wrong with them and sent me home.
My Home Manager said it would be good to talk about my experiences and what goes on at the group home. I talked to my returning housemate and she said she was interested in starting a blog also; so I’m going to help her set one up. Hopefully when I get back from Heritage Day Care Center. The pastor is coming to pick us up in a little bit . . . about 30 minutes from now.
My other housemate goes to the center with me. The other ones went to Golden Choice. At the centers we have breakfast and lunch and we color or write. Sometimes we play BINGO and we watch movies or tv. I love getting my coffee in the morning and most of the time ask for a second cup. Most of us are in this situation because we are disabled; but that doesn’t mean any less of us. God made us all and all of us are special.
Sitting on my bed at the Group Home; where I do most of my typing for my blog. I sent my parents a sweet text message; that they haven’t responded back too. Hopefully we are able to go eat dinner on Wednesday at Ninja Sushi for my Birthday. I’ll be 34 in two days; meaning I need to start following life rules better and stay in better health using all the help provided.
I love reading my new book “Cultivated” By John & Stasi Eldridge which I got a Goodwill; and it’s been a great means to getting me back in check to my Christian walk with the Lord. We just did the chores around the house . . . I helped by wiping down both bathroom counter surfaces and cleaning the toilets and sweeping the floor. Now that I’m almost 34; I’m finding it in myself that I want to do the right things.
I want to be there for my Family and my son; I have had a pretty rocky relationship with several good times in between since 2016. I had the best intentions on New Years of this year but seems I still messed up. That’s part of being human; but there must come an age where all of that has to end. I want my son to see that I really do care about him. I was so excited when he asked me to come over last Thursday; and I facetime my family on Tuesday’s and Thursday’s.
Everything here is safe; and I can’t jeopardize my safety. Time to start a new and healthier was of life that will benefit myself and my loved ones; as another chapter of my life comes to a close.
When I FaceTime’d My family yesterday my 7 year old wanted to see me. I was excited since I haven’t gotten to see him in a long time.
First we went to 711; and Dad handed me $25. My little boy got recess pieces and a medium slur-pie… I got a pack of Teal American Spirits & a medium slur-pie. At the house we went swimming and tried to get the printer 🖨 to print some bookmarks. Then we had Wendy’s for dinner.
Just blessed My House Manager wishing her a Happy Juneteenth 🥧 … 🌭 … 🍟 …🥤… Today has been an extremely blessed day 💕 !! I’m mostly Taiwanese & My Grandpa fought in the North Korean War!
Everything happens for a reason! My Father sent me $50… As it’s Friday 💰… My Father also said That we’re going to go out to eat at my favorite restaurant on the 20th! His favorite father is Pop 🥂 PoP Floyd 🍾 @Jin’s by the Target 🎯 I first worked at on Cooper St.
I woke up at 8AM this morning; and my case manager picked me up at 10AM to go to the PCP. I have had a good but hard day; for one my WordPress is working on my laptop and I just took a shower and washed my long black hair. My care giver has been wanting me to take a shower everyday and start taking better care of myself since we have moved into this house. The PCP said my hand has gotten better and she was shocked at the improvement. I wrote about in a previous post that I had gotten frost bite in February when I walked out of the Group Home and it started snowing. I finally returned on March 12th and I’ve been sober for three months now. I go back to see my PCP on the 17th; and it’s important that I keep all my appointments.
I Was Diagnosed At 11: As Bipolar after going into Nicoma at my Grandmother’s kitchen table and I feel asleep for two weeks in the hospital. As I got older I’ve been diagnosed as Bipolar Skitzophrenic, Border Line Personality Disorder, and Manic Depressive. I am on a good bit of psych-meds and am being seen by the MHMR team here in Fort Worth. I just took my medicine given to me by my care giver.
Family Values: I need to get right with myself; before I can get right with my family.
I’m not planning on calling my family everyday but earlier I couldn’t help it; and sent Dad a Text. Worrying about how they are doing; does no good. Right now it’s best just to give them space like they have asked for. My parents are adopting the little boy I gave birth to who just turned 7 on December 28th; and we don’t have a good relationship last time I called he said he hated me. Though in the past this has left me wanting to run away; which I have five times. God; I put this into your hands and go to God in guidance to separate me from this vicious cycle. Dad had asked me earlier this week to reach to my ex who left when I was 7 months pregnant and just added me on my old Facebook for his address and phone number to get him to sign the adoption papers. Though; he never sent them and Dad said I ran him off.
I still love my family; although I am the black sheep in the family after doing several things wrong; and the last time I have seen them is on Mother’s Day a couple of weeks ago. “I may not have been the best daughter, mother, girlfriend, or friend; but I was always myself and tried to do what I could. I release all of these broken bridges to God and let it rest until it improves!”
How I Can Start Taking Better Care Of Myself
Focus on myself and my relationship with God; before focusing on myself around others. To be in good relationships you have to be taking the best care of yourself.
I need to set a dental appointment and try to get dentures.
I need to set an OBGYN appointment.
I need to take a shower everyday; and wash my face in the mornings,
I need to take my heart rate everyday,
I know that’s not the right answer now and staying in The Group Home is in my best interest.